Beginner’s Guide To Strap-On Play

Myth 1: “Strap-ons are only for lesbians.”

Nope. They show up in lesbian, straight, bi, queer, and mixed-orientation couples. If someone wants to penetrate someone else with a toy attached to their body, a strap-on is an option.

Myth 2: “If a man likes being anally penetrated, he must be gay.”

Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to, not what sex acts you enjoy. Plenty of straight men like anal stimulation. Plenty of gay men do not. A man enjoying a strap-on in his anus tells you he has nerve endings there and likes them touched, not who he wants to date.

Myth 3: “If a woman uses a strap-on, she secretly wants to be a man.”

Many women think of a harness more like lingerie or a costume: a way to feel powerful, hot, playful, and in character. The presence of a dildo says nothing about identity. It just opens up more ways to play.

Bottom line: enjoying strap-on play says you like pleasure and you are willing to explore. That is all.

Most harnesses fall into two main styles.

Thong Style

• One strap around the waist or hips
  
• One strap between the legs, like a thong
  
• Front panel with an O-ring or opening for the dildo
  

Pros:

• Fewer straps to adjust
  
• The strap between the legs can provide clitoral or perineal stimulation
  
• Some wearers like the “secret” stimulation under clothing, even without a dildo attached
  

Cons:

• The strap between the legs can make it harder to access the vulva or anus directly
  
  

Jock Style

• One strap around the waist or hips
  
• Two leg straps that go around each thigh and attach at the back
  
• Open space between the legs
  

Pros:

• More support for the dildo, especially for heavier toys
  
• Easier access to the wearer’s genitals and anus during play
  

Cons:

• More straps to adjust

Common options:

• Nylon: lightweight, easy to clean, often machine washable if you remove the front pad
  
• Leather: durable, visually striking, more luxurious feel, requires more care
  
• PVC or synthetics: easy to wipe down, can be soft and flexible
  

The best harness is the one that feels comfortable on your body and fits the kind of play you want.

Most harnesses are “one size fits most,” with adjustable straps and sometimes elastic.

To put one on:

1. Thread the dildo’s flared base through the O-ring or opening.
   
2. Step into the harness like underwear or fasten it around your hips.
   
3. Adjust the straps so it feels snug but not pinching.
   
4. Test the dildo for stability by pushing, pulling, and gently thrusting with your hips.
   

If excess strap hangs, you can trim nylon and carefully singe the ends so they do not fray.

Things to keep in mind:

• Flared, flat base: non negotiable for a harness. It prevents the toy from slipping through and gives you a solid “anchor.”
  
• Shape: straight dildos are simple and predictable; curved ones can hit G-spots or prostates depending on how you position them in the O-ring.
  
• Firmness: some people like firm for control, others prefer more flexible or squishy.
  
• Size: start smaller than you think you need, especially for anal play. You can always size up later.
  

Many harness kits come with a dildo included, but you can usually swap in others as long as the base fits the ring.

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