How To Use Strap On Sex Toys
Say “strap-on” and a lot of people instantly picture a girl-on-girl porn scene where one woman straps in, grabs a faux penis, and goes to town.
Fun? Sure. But that is only one tiny slice of what strap-on play can look like.
In real life, strap-ons are for anyone who enjoys penetration, power play, role reversal, or just something new. Queer couples, straight couples, nonbinary folks, pegging curious pairs, people working with ED, and toy lovers of all orientations can use harnesses to add novelty, intensity, and creativity to their sex life.
With a little imagination and communication, a strap-on can go from “kinky curiosity” to one of your favorite shared toys.
What Is A Strap-On, Exactly?
A strap-on is a harness that holds a dildo in place on the wearer’s body so they can penetrate a partner hands-free.
Most harnesses:
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sit at the hips or waist
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have a front panel that rests over the vulva or at the base of the penis
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use an O-ring or opening that grips a dildo with a flared, flat base
For vulva owners, it creates an external “cock” right where one would naturally be.
For penis owners, it adds a second penetrative option right below the real one.
Some harnesses are designed to be more universal. Others are shaped for certain bodies or styles, including double-ended designs that penetrate the wearer and their partner at the same time.
Why Strap-Ons Are A Turn-On
You could just hold a dildo in your hand. So why mess around with a harness?
Because strap-ons:
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Free your hands so you can spank, stroke, hold, scratch, tease, or stimulate other erogenous zones while thrusting
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Let your hips lead, which makes the experience feel more like “real” intercourse
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Invite play with roles and power, from gender bending to pegging to swap-the-usual-dynamics fantasy
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Help with erectile dysfunction, giving couples a way to enjoy penetrative sex without pressure on performance
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Create options for double penetration, with a penis plus a dildo, or two toys at once
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Look hot, especially when combined with lingerie, stockings, or roleplay
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Feel good for the wearer, especially if the harness presses against the clitoris, vulva, perineum, or pelvis
Most of all, strap-on play usually requires more conversation than “our usual routine,” and that communication often leads to deeper intimacy and trust.
Who Uses Strap-Ons? Busting The Big Myths
Myth 1: “Strap-ons are only for lesbians.”
Nope. They show up in lesbian, straight, bi, queer, and mixed-orientation couples. If someone wants to penetrate someone else with a toy attached to their body, a strap-on is an option.
Myth 2: “If a man likes being anally penetrated, he must be gay.”
Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to, not what sex acts you enjoy. Plenty of straight men like anal stimulation. Plenty of gay men do not. A man enjoying a strap-on in his anus tells you he has nerve endings there and likes them touched, not who he wants to date.
Myth 3: “If a woman uses a strap-on, she secretly wants to be a man.”
Many women think of a harness more like lingerie or a costume: a way to feel powerful, hot, playful, and in character. The presence of a dildo says nothing about identity. It just opens up more ways to play.
Bottom line: enjoying strap-on play says you like pleasure and you are willing to explore. That is all.
Harness Basics: Thong vs Jock Style
Most harnesses fall into two main styles.
Thong Style
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One strap around the waist or hips
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One strap between the legs, like a thong
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Front panel with an O-ring or opening for the dildo
Pros:
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Fewer straps to adjust
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The strap between the legs can provide clitoral or perineal stimulation
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Some wearers like the “secret” stimulation under clothing, even without a dildo attached
Cons:
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The strap between the legs can make it harder to access the vulva or anus directly
Jock Style
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One strap around the waist or hips
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Two leg straps that go around each thigh and attach at the back
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Open space between the legs
Pros:
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More support for the dildo, especially for heavier toys
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Easier access to the wearer’s genitals and anus during play
Cons:
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More straps to adjust
Harness Materials
Common options:
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Nylon: lightweight, easy to clean, often machine washable if you remove the front pad
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Leather: durable, visually striking, more luxurious feel, requires more care
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PVC or synthetics: easy to wipe down, can be soft and flexible
The best harness is the one that feels comfortable on your body and fits the kind of play you want.
How To Wear Your Harness
Most harnesses are “one size fits most,” with adjustable straps and sometimes elastic.
To put one on:
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Thread the dildo’s flared base through the O-ring or opening.
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Step into the harness like underwear or fasten it around your hips.
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Adjust the straps so it feels snug but not pinching.
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Test the dildo for stability by pushing, pulling, and gently thrusting with your hips.
If excess strap hangs, you can trim nylon and carefully singe the ends so they do not fray.
Choosing The Right Dildo For Your Harness
Things to keep in mind:
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Flared, flat base: non negotiable for a harness. It prevents the toy from slipping through and gives you a solid “anchor.”
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Shape: straight dildos are simple and predictable; curved ones can hit G-spots or prostates depending on how you position them in the O-ring.
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Firmness: some people like firm for control, others prefer more flexible or squishy.
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Size: start smaller than you think you need, especially for anal play. You can always size up later.
Many harness kits come with a dildo included, but you can usually swap in others as long as the base fits the ring.
Tips For Enjoying Strap-On Play
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Lube generously
Always use plenty of lubricant on the dildo and the area you are playing with, especially for anal. Reapply as needed. -
Let the receiver set the pace
Instead of thrusting right away, the wearer can stay still while the receiver slowly backs onto or takes the toy at their own speed. -
Start with easier positions
Rear entry (doggy style), spooning, or the receiver on top can feel less intimidating while you are getting used to movement and angles. -
Use your hands
Because your hands are free, use them everywhere else: clit, nipples, chest, hair, thighs, chest hair, whatever your partner loves. -
Consider simulated oral
Some couples like to include “blow job” play with the dildo. If the toy has been used anally, clean thoroughly before it goes near anyone’s mouth. -
Try combo or double penetration
If a penis owner wears the harness, they may alternate between penetrating with their penis and the toy, or explore double penetration if everyone is excited and comfortable with it. -
Make sure the wearer gets pleasure too
For vulva owners, check whether the harness front panel or base of the dildo presses against the clitoris. If not, add a bullet vibe under the panel or use a hand. For any wearer, external stimulation elsewhere on the body goes a long way.
Most importantly: expect some awkwardness at first. Harnesses can feel strange. Angles might be off. Balance might feel weird. Laugh, adjust, try again. The awkwardness is part of the intimacy.
If you are still reading, there is a good chance strap-ons are worth a try for you. You do not have to use them every time. Most couples pull them out now and then when they want to change things up, play with power, or give both partners new ways to feel pleasure.
Whatever dynamic you explore, keep an open mind, talk it through, use plenty of lube, and enjoy the ride.
With Pleasure,
MyPleasure
